Who Stole The Cheese?

Friend 1: Can anyone tell me why I just found a block of cheese in my purse this morning?

Friend 2: G threw it in there on Friday.
Friend 1: Today is Tuesday.
Friend 3: Don't eat it.

You're Pretty When You're Quiet

The Setup: J is a regular night cook at our regular spot. He's learning to tend bar now and was working the day shift today. Ms. K530 and kitchengeeking rolled in for lunch (not as rare as J being there during the daytime).

J was discussing the relative calm of the bar and that he would have a great deal of trouble being behind the bar at night with drunkards accosting him with their slurred, high-volume orders all the time.

Ms. K530 understood completely!

K: I bet you've never heard me this quiet?

J: Yeah, I guess I kinda like you. You're actually quite charming. Want to go out sometime?

If I Were At Home My Hand Would Be In My Pants

The Setup: Kitchen Geeking was cooking for The Cheeze and Ms. K530. After multiple carnitas tacos and two bottles of Pinot Grigio, the geek opened a bottle of Garnacha (Grenache for you Frenchies). After tasting a piece of the pork with the new wine, Geek made the ladies do the same. They didn't really put up a fight. Geek then grabbed another piece of pork.

Geek: Damn. Every piece of pork in here is glistening with melted fat!

Cheez: I wish I were sweating so my fat would be glistening.

14 Gangs

The Set Up:

The Peeps love South Park. On any given day you will hear one of them say in their best Cartman voice, "Whateva, I do what I want. I roll with 14 gangs. We commit hate crimes."

The Bobbin':

C's Status Message on Gmail: "C, when she has 14 babies, won't take the time for a manicure, botox, or a nose job."

D's Response to Status Message: "A baby for each gang with which you roll?"

Wild Turkey American Honey

The Set Up:





This proves why it is never a good idea to drink a half of a bottle of American Honey by yourself.





The Bobbin':





C: Back off or I'll shove this super plus up your nostril.


K: Whatevs. I'll put pin clothes on your nipples.


C: Clothes Pins, K. (Looks at D.) It's okay. I can translate Honey to English.

*http://www.barnonedrinks.com/tips/dictionary/images/2295.jpg