Who Stole The Cheese?

Friend 1: Can anyone tell me why I just found a block of cheese in my purse this morning?

Friend 2: G threw it in there on Friday.
Friend 1: Today is Tuesday.
Friend 3: Don't eat it.

You're Pretty When You're Quiet

The Setup: J is a regular night cook at our regular spot. He's learning to tend bar now and was working the day shift today. Ms. K530 and kitchengeeking rolled in for lunch (not as rare as J being there during the daytime).

J was discussing the relative calm of the bar and that he would have a great deal of trouble being behind the bar at night with drunkards accosting him with their slurred, high-volume orders all the time.

Ms. K530 understood completely!

K: I bet you've never heard me this quiet?

J: Yeah, I guess I kinda like you. You're actually quite charming. Want to go out sometime?

If I Were At Home My Hand Would Be In My Pants

The Setup: Kitchen Geeking was cooking for The Cheeze and Ms. K530. After multiple carnitas tacos and two bottles of Pinot Grigio, the geek opened a bottle of Garnacha (Grenache for you Frenchies). After tasting a piece of the pork with the new wine, Geek made the ladies do the same. They didn't really put up a fight. Geek then grabbed another piece of pork.

Geek: Damn. Every piece of pork in here is glistening with melted fat!

Cheez: I wish I were sweating so my fat would be glistening.

14 Gangs

The Set Up:

The Peeps love South Park. On any given day you will hear one of them say in their best Cartman voice, "Whateva, I do what I want. I roll with 14 gangs. We commit hate crimes."

The Bobbin':

C's Status Message on Gmail: "C, when she has 14 babies, won't take the time for a manicure, botox, or a nose job."

D's Response to Status Message: "A baby for each gang with which you roll?"

Wild Turkey American Honey

The Set Up:





This proves why it is never a good idea to drink a half of a bottle of American Honey by yourself.





The Bobbin':





C: Back off or I'll shove this super plus up your nostril.


K: Whatevs. I'll put pin clothes on your nipples.


C: Clothes Pins, K. (Looks at D.) It's okay. I can translate Honey to English.

*http://www.barnonedrinks.com/tips/dictionary/images/2295.jpg

Is That All it Takes?

C: "You know, there's nothing like 2 feet of wood to make you feel powerful."

Here's a mental picture. C standing right behind the bar with hands on hips in the power stance....classic!

Well...I'm At A Loss For Words

The Set Up: Sometimes it isn't what is overheard being said. Sometimes it is what one is caught doing that will get you bobbed.



The Bobbin':

* Caption Contest!!!!!! Caption this pic!

Apparently Farting IS Illegal.

This whole story is why we have the Bob Book. Click here to read about the man in West Virginia who was arrested for farting!!!!

New Favorite Status Message

The Set Up:

Everyone knows what a status message is. During the work week, a number of us have Twitter.com or Gmail.com up and running. Both applications feature the beautiful thing called the status message. The following status message made me laugh so hard I drooled.

The Bobbin':

BK: had an email from Women's Health inquiring, "Do You Know Enough About Your Vagina?" Thinks she does."

Hippies

The Set Up:

A crew from Charleston went to watch CO spank WVU last week. It was a sad, sad ending. Nonetheless, the following text message conversation took place between CO and WV.

The BOBBIN':

DB: Hippies. Hippies everywhere. Everywhere I look I see hippies!!!!!

C: You are in Colorado; what the fuck did you expect?!

KevBar

The Set Up:

KevBar is one of our watering hole's bartenders. He has a litany of nicknames that he has been given. Some good, some not so good. Nonetheless, they are his.

The BOBBING:

DB: Hey Cuz, let me have another beer.

BGW: Yeah, KevBar, hook me up too.

KB: Cuz, KevBar, Kevin, Bar God, everyone calls me something different.

C: I call you, "Hey bitch, poor me another shot." I wasn't joking. Poor me another shot!

KB: Yes, ma'am. By the way, that was a good one.

Toilet Water

The Set Up:

Unfortunately a dear friend of The Bob Book is in the hospital for kidney stones. She is also a diabetic which can complicate anything that has to do with the kidney region. She is in a shit ton of pain and will be undergoing surgery sometime today to help pass the stones. Last night she had visitors at the hospital. Her doctor was there as well.

The Bobbing:

Doc: "I was paged in the O.R. earlier today. The nurse said I had a patient that screamed, 'If you don't give me something to drink, a piece of ice, something, I'm gonna drink the god damn toilet water!' Gee, P, I didn't realize it was you."

P: "God damn, I'm so embarrassed."

6 Degrees of Separation

The Set Up:

A good friend of mine from growing up sent me an instant message yesterday. He has recently signed up for a facebook account, and was hit up by several people at once to be his "friend." When looking at their profiles, most everyone, even people not from Charleston, were already friends with me. What can you say, I'm kind of a big deal. Anway, the following was BOBBED.

The BOBBED Quote:

"You are the Kevin Bacon of facebook!"

Cowboy Troy Takes Ride On The Soul Train

The Set Up

A man who deeply resembles Cowboy Troy walks in to a bar. He orders a drink and begins making small talk with some of the regulars. He's from Mingo county and talks like he has a mouthful of shit. But I digress. The studly bar manager says to the bartender, "Cuz, shots for you, me, C, BGW, and Hibzzzz!" Cuz does as he is told...

The Bobbin'

Cowboy Troy: "Hey, man, what about me?"
Bar Manager: "What about you?"
Cowboy Troy: "Don't I get a shot?"
Bar Manager: "This ain't Soul Train. You can't just jump on whenever you want!"

Meeting Chicks At The Men's Shelter

The Set Up:

This conversation actually just happened....I'm dying here. This particular child is thrown out of the house regularly. No one knows if he is really being thrown out or if the events are happening inside his head. It really is sad, but this was just too funny.

The Bobbed Quote:

J (a rather slow child): Yeah, C, I got thrown outta my house
again last night. Not sure where I'm gonna go this time.

C: That sucks, J. Why don't you go to the men's shelter?

J: (Angry) That totally defeats the point. How am I suppose to meet girls at
the men's shelter?

Butch

The Set Up:

BGW and the regulars were at Sam's this Sunday having yet another of their famous Sunday Fundays. A group of lesbians walked in the door. They were having a good time. They caught BGW's eye.

The BOBBED Quote:

BGW: "C, I'm glad you ain't no butch. I mean, I couldn't look at you the same if you were."

C: "Ok."

BGW: "But let me ask you this...if you were butch, what would you do? Really, what would you do?"

C: "Date really hot chicks."

BGW: "Good point. I want to do a study on them."

The T&A Truck Stop in Teays Valley

The Set Up:

This week the ball park in town opened up. It is Charleston's greatest outdoor bar. It was 2 for Tuesday. PG, DT, and I had too much fun. We ended up at a Truck Stop in Teays Valley. However, we called TH to see if she wanted to go with us. PG did the talking.

The BOBBED Quote:

PG: "It's a Truck Stop, but really it's a nice place."

The Suppository or The Laxative

THE SET UP:

C's 4th block class is filled with primarily boys that she has had in class before. Frequently you can find C eavesdropping on conversations that she probably shouldn't be listening to at all. This is a quote that came from one of those moments. It was said and then displayed as a GMail Status.

The BOBBED QUOTE:

C: was recently quoted as saying, "you aren't going to put something up your butt if you can't get anything out of your butt to begin with." -was explaining the difference between a laxative and a suppository to a fourth block student. -also wishes that the boys in 4th Block would quit farting.

Syndromes

The Set Up:

Sunday Fun Day. The Cold Spot. Multiple Pitchers. NTN Trivia. Conversations about the monthly visitor of women. The men at the table made a gross generalizaton about the correlation between woman being bitchy and their periods.

The Bobbed Quote:

C: I don't need my period to be a bitch. I'm a bitch all the time. PMS. I AM MY OWN SYNDROME!

Moooooooooo

The Set Up

None necessary! Just know that it is PG and Al at 4 in the morning at a friend's house in Virginia. You can only imagine. Idiots! Listening to it makes me more of an idiot, but I can't stop myself.

The Bobbed Video/More of a Soundtrack