Bobbin':

Who Stole The Cheese?

2009-06-01T12:52:00.002-04:00

Friend 1: Can anyone tell me why I just found a block of cheese in my purse this morning?

Friend 2: G threw it in there on Friday.
Friend 1: Today is Tuesday.
Friend 3: Don't eat it.

You're Pretty When You're Quiet

2009-02-17T14:21:00.004-05:00

The Setup: J is a regular night cook at our regular spot. He's learning to tend bar now and was working the day shift today. Ms. K530 and kitchengeeking rolled in for lunch (not as rare as J being there during the daytime).

J was discussing the relative calm of the bar and that he would have a great deal of trouble being behind the bar at night with drunkards accosting him with their slurred, high-volume orders all the time.

Ms. K530 understood completely!

K: I bet you've never heard me this quiet?

J: Yeah, I guess I kinda like you. You're actually quite charming. Want to go out sometime?

If I Were At Home My Hand Would Be In My Pants

2009-02-16T21:08:00.005-05:00

The Setup: Kitchen Geeking was cooking for The Cheeze and Ms. K530. After multiple carnitas tacos and two bottles of Pinot Grigio, the geek opened a bottle of Garnacha (Grenache for you Frenchies). After tasting a piece of the pork with the new wine, Geek made the ladies do the same. They didn't really put up a fight. Geek then grabbed another piece of pork.

Geek: Damn. Every piece of pork in here is glistening with melted fat!

Cheez: I wish I were sweating so my fat would be glistening.

14 Gangs

2009-02-12T09:45:00.006-05:00

The Set Up:

The Peeps love South Park. On any given day you will hear one of them say in their best Cartman voice, "Whateva, I do what I want. I roll with 14 gangs. We commit hate crimes."

The Bobbin':

C's Status Message on Gmail: "C, when she has 14 babies, won't take the time for a manicure, botox, or a nose job."

D's Response to Status Message: "A baby for each gang with which you roll?"

Wild Turkey American Honey

2009-02-12T09:13:00.003-05:00

The Set Up:

This proves why it is never a good idea to drink a half of a bottle of American Honey by yourself.

The Bobbin':

C: Back off or I'll shove this super plus up your nostril.

K: Whatevs. I'll put pin clothes on your nipples.

C: Clothes Pins, K. (Looks at D.) It's okay. I can translate Honey to English.

*http://www.barnonedrinks.com/tips/dictionary/images/2295.jpg

Is That All it Takes?

2008-12-12T10:48:00.002-05:00

C: "You know, there's nothing like 2 feet of wood to make you feel powerful."

Here's a mental picture. C standing right behind the bar with hands on hips in the power stance....classic!

Well...I'm At A Loss For Words

2008-11-03T13:49:00.002-05:00

The Set Up: Sometimes it isn't what is overheard being said. Sometimes it is what one is caught doing that will get you bobbed.

The Bobbin':

* Caption Contest!!!!!! Caption this pic!

Apparently Farting IS Illegal.

2008-09-25T11:49:00.003-04:00

This whole story is why we have the Bob Book. Click here to read about the man in West Virginia who was arrested for farting!!!!

New Favorite Status Message

2008-09-25T08:43:00.003-04:00

The Set Up:

Everyone knows what a status message is. During the work week, a number of us have Twitter.com or Gmail.com up and running. Both applications feature the beautiful thing called the status message. The following status message made me laugh so hard I drooled.

The Bobbin':

BK: had an email from Women's Health inquiring, "Do You Know Enough About Your Vagina?" Thinks she does."

Hippies

2008-09-24T08:51:00.003-04:00

The Set Up:

A crew from Charleston went to watch CO spank WVU last week. It was a sad, sad ending. Nonetheless, the following text message conversation took place between CO and WV.

The BOBBIN':

DB: Hippies. Hippies everywhere. Everywhere I look I see hippies!!!!!

C: You are in Colorado; what the fuck did you expect?!

KevBar

2008-09-17T13:51:00.003-04:00

The Set Up:

KevBar is one of our watering hole's bartenders. He has a litany of nicknames that he has been given. Some good, some not so good. Nonetheless, they are his.

The BOBBING:

DB: Hey Cuz, let me have another beer.

BGW: Yeah, KevBar, hook me up too.

KB: Cuz, KevBar, Kevin, Bar God, everyone calls me something different.

C: I call you, "Hey bitch, poor me another shot." I wasn't joking. Poor me another shot!

KB: Yes, ma'am. By the way, that was a good one.

Toilet Water

2008-09-17T12:24:00.006-04:00

The Set Up:

Unfortunately a dear friend of The Bob Book is in the hospital for kidney stones. She is also a diabetic which can complicate anything that has to do with the kidney region. She is in a shit ton of pain and will be undergoing surgery sometime today to help pass the stones. Last night she had visitors at the hospital. Her doctor was there as well.

The Bobbing:

Doc: "I was paged in the O.R. earlier today. The nurse said I had a patient that screamed, 'If you don't give me something to drink, a piece of ice, something, I'm gonna drink the god damn toilet water!' Gee, P, I didn't realize it was you."

P: "God damn, I'm so embarrassed."

6 Degrees of Separation

2008-09-16T11:41:00.002-04:00

The Set Up:

A good friend of mine from growing up sent me an instant message yesterday. He has recently signed up for a facebook account, and was hit up by several people at once to be his "friend." When looking at their profiles, most everyone, even people not from Charleston, were already friends with me. What can you say, I'm kind of a big deal. Anway, the following was BOBBED.

The BOBBED Quote:

"You are the Kevin Bacon of facebook!"

Cowboy Troy Takes Ride On The Soul Train

2008-06-10T08:35:00.002-04:00

The Set Up

A man who deeply resembles Cowboy Troy walks in to a bar. He orders a drink and begins making small talk with some of the regulars. He's from Mingo county and talks like he has a mouthful of shit. But I digress. The studly bar manager says to the bartender, "Cuz, shots for you, me, C, BGW, and Hibzzzz!" Cuz does as he is told...

The Bobbin'

Cowboy Troy: "Hey, man, what about me?"
Bar Manager: "What about you?"
Cowboy Troy: "Don't I get a shot?"
Bar Manager: "This ain't Soul Train. You can't just jump on whenever you want!"

Meeting Chicks At The Men's Shelter

2008-05-16T13:58:00.003-04:00

The Set Up:

This conversation actually just happened....I'm dying here. This particular child is thrown out of the house regularly. No one knows if he is really being thrown out or if the events are happening inside his head. It really is sad, but this was just too funny.

The Bobbed Quote:

J (a rather slow child): Yeah, C, I got thrown outta my house
again last night. Not sure where I'm gonna go this time.

C: That sucks, J. Why don't you go to the men's shelter?

J: (Angry) That totally defeats the point. How am I suppose to meet girls at
the men's shelter?

Butch

2008-04-09T10:29:00.002-04:00

The Set Up:

BGW and the regulars were at Sam's this Sunday having yet another of their famous Sunday Fundays. A group of lesbians walked in the door. They were having a good time. They caught BGW's eye.

The BOBBED Quote:

BGW: "C, I'm glad you ain't no butch. I mean, I couldn't look at you the same if you were."

C: "Ok."

BGW: "But let me ask you this...if you were butch, what would you do? Really, what would you do?"

C: "Date really hot chicks."

BGW: "Good point. I want to do a study on them."

The T&A Truck Stop in Teays Valley

2008-04-09T10:23:00.002-04:00

The Set Up:

This week the ball park in town opened up. It is Charleston's greatest outdoor bar. It was 2 for Tuesday. PG, DT, and I had too much fun. We ended up at a Truck Stop in Teays Valley. However, we called TH to see if she wanted to go with us. PG did the talking.

The BOBBED Quote:

PG: "It's a Truck Stop, but really it's a nice place."

The Suppository or The Laxative

2008-02-15T14:42:00.006-05:00

THE SET UP:

C's 4th block class is filled with primarily boys that she has had in class before. Frequently you can find C eavesdropping on conversations that she probably shouldn't be listening to at all. This is a quote that came from one of those moments. It was said and then displayed as a GMail Status.

The BOBBED QUOTE:

C: was recently quoted as saying, "you aren't going to put something up your butt if you can't get anything out of your butt to begin with." -was explaining the difference between a laxative and a suppository to a fourth block student. -also wishes that the boys in 4th Block would quit farting.

Syndromes

2008-02-13T11:07:00.004-05:00

The Set Up:

Sunday Fun Day. The Cold Spot. Multiple Pitchers. NTN Trivia. Conversations about the monthly visitor of women. The men at the table made a gross generalizaton about the correlation between woman being bitchy and their periods.

The Bobbed Quote:

C: I don't need my period to be a bitch. I'm a bitch all the time. PMS. I AM MY OWN SYNDROME!

Moooooooooo

2008-01-22T16:31:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

None necessary! Just know that it is PG and Al at 4 in the morning at a friend's house in Virginia. You can only imagine. Idiots! Listening to it makes me more of an idiot, but I can't stop myself.

The Bobbed Video/More of a Soundtrack

Awesome Fury

2008-01-14T13:05:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

We all know that mixing new groups of people together can be fun, but can also cause anxiety. This particular BOBBIN took place and caused anxiety rather than fun. Nonetheless, the quote that came from the incident is funny! Once again, we were at The Cold Spot, eating wings, drinking beer, playing friendly trivia. To make a long story short, one individual asked another individual if she happened to be autistic and then tried to cover it up with the word artistic. It didn't go over well, at all.

The BOBBED Quote

TH: I'm not AUTISTIC or ARTISTIC. I AM AWESOME!!!!!!

You've Been Served

2008-01-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

The Set Up
Due to the latest story about the boyfriend in Texas who killed his girlfriend and then cooked her up in a pot, a few of us have been left pondering the question, if my boyfriend/girlfriend were to slaughter me, exactly how would I prefer to be prepared?? Here are some of the responses. Do you have a preference?

Bobbed Quote
C: I would prefer to be pan seared with garlic, basil, and a nice reduction sauce, served with a smashed potato or asparagus, and a nice light spinach salad.

BK: Deep friend and dipped in chipolte ranch. Though I believe that C would most likely throw some Lawry's Season Salt on me and toss me on the grill until medium rare.

KK: Country friend or BBQ'd.

HL: Broiled or grilled.

KCJW: Bbqued & served on a bun w/ a side of slaw. Please note that this is an entirely plausible question for me, as my husband is trying to quit the cigarettes. Slaw, J. it's all about the slaw.

SM: I can't believe I am answering this, but... I think I'd like to be flash grilled mid-rare and served over a bed of fresh, Morgan County watercress, drizzled with a little of T's amazing port wine reduction, and accompanied by a nice glass of Potomac Highlands Chamborcin.

JW: Grilled, wrapped around scallops. With some lemon. And a Lucky Labrador EIPA.

CC: No crock pot, but a stew would probably make me nice and tender!

KF: With loads of tomato and garlic. Honestly I don't really care how you prepare me, just as long as people say "Eh, she tastes like chicken".

DT: Ummm, I'd have to go with braised. You know, like brisket. That's really what I am. Second choice would be breaded and pan-fried like a cube steak. My guts would make the most AMAZING gravy!

HL (revised): You know, I previously said grilled or broiled. Having given it a little more thought, and having eaten lunch at Sitar today, I'd be okay with crock-pot style, or even microwaved, provided I was slathered in "red" (i.e., hot onion chutney).

DT (in response to HL's revision): Just burped. Reflexive reaction to chutney. Not a bad one, but there it is. Perhaps I could be ground and fried in a tandoor oven as daan, the new Indian naan?

Fierce!

2007-11-29T16:37:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

I came out of retirement last week and picked up a bar shift. It was the night before Thanksgiving, all of the college co-eds were back in town, and tons of people were getting their groove on. Needless to say, it was quite busy. My roomie, T, got a ride downtown, and DT was going to give us both a ride home. Bar nights are late nights. We had cleaning to do, beer to stock, and money to settle up. It took much longer than expected. T grew impatient. The longer it took the more she drank and the "fiercer" her attitude became. The following bobbing took place on the walk to the car when I was trying to break the ice...

The BOBBED Quote

C: Damn, girl those boots are FIERCE!

T: (using best pissed off Mr. T voice) NO, Dawg, I... AM FIERCE!

(muffled laughter coming from C and DT)

The SHIT FUN Button

2007-11-28T11:02:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

My roomie and I are having a party in the near future. The VA St party in the past has been a blast. There is a certain amount of expectation and pressure that comes from these parties. We are in the planning stages now. Everyone knows that when you throw the party sometimes you don't have the most fun due to cleaning up, worrying about that guy who is pissin' on your carpet, floating the keg, etc. However, we are birds of a different feather, and we plan on flocking together.

The BOBBED Quote

T: I told Beth we were going to have a good time even if I had to shit FUN out of my ass!

Me: What exactly would that look like?

T: Don't know...never had to use the SHIT FUN button before.

Stereotypes and Screwin' Your Sister

2007-11-27T12:59:00.001-05:00

The Set Up

Mike Freeman recently penned a horrible article about the upcoming National Championship Game. Not only was it what some would consider racist, most definitely stereotypical, and without a doubt ignorant, it was also poorly written. I mean very badly written. Check it out if you like. Print it out and read it on the can.

When this article was sent to me via email, I felt the need to send it to all of my fellow Mountaineers! The responses were great. My favorite has been bobbed!

The BOBBED QUOTE

BK: ...and saying stuff about the Mountaineer sleeping with his sister, we need to get that article to Brady Campbell, have him respond, and say "not sleeping w/ my sister dude, too busy w/ your mom!"

Down At Fraggle Rock

2007-11-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

So you cook, and then you watch food shows. Watching food shows first leads to impatient cooks. Here's what happens when you start watching Food Network at 9ish during the Holiday special week.

C: "See, she's a muppet."

D: "Yeah, but she's a f#$@-able muppet."

Check The Expiration Date

2007-11-26T11:13:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

The day after a weekend bender. 'Nough said.

The BOBBED Quote

C: I have felt much prettier before. Today, I feel like a can of smashed assholes.

The Bar

2007-11-19T09:11:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

DT is one of our favorite bartenders, friend, and family members. He doesn't have to work on Sundays, so we often go out for Sunday Funday. Yesterday, SF included a trip to our favorite Mexican Joint for margaritas and tons of food, then on to Sam's Uptown for football viewing and laughter. DT stepped behind the bar for a minute.

The BOBBED Quote

C: Damn, DT, you look GOOD behind three feet of wood.

DT: You should see me behind three inches of wood!

Other People's Assholes

2007-11-13T12:23:00.001-05:00

The Set Up

Two friends were recently talking, one-in the educational world, the other-not. The friend in education was contemplating a career change. Believe me when I tell you that she loves her job and loves her kids, but enough was enough on this particular day-rude behavior, comments, and a poor work ethic. She was quite frustrated. Note: she works with High School Students. There is no need for any further explanation.

The BOBBED Quote

Friend 1: I'm to the point, that if I keep working with other people's asshole kids, I will NEVER want to have any of my own.

Friend 2: Just remember....they aren't assholes when they are yours, or something like that.

Friend 1: Sure they are. I'm an asshole and I belong to my mom.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire??

2007-11-08T17:44:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

So who wants to be a millionaire? This BOBBIN' was sent to me from a fan of the blog. I'm not sure of the exact set up. However, apparently a few friends were sitting around commenting on a mutual friend's discontent at the office. I didn't even know that this particular job title existed! My question is this...giver or receiver?? Sounds like a messy job.

The BOBBED Quote

He won't be happy unless he's making a million dollars a week as a blow job tester!

Obsession with the Tramp Stamp

2007-11-08T10:36:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

Ok, so yes, we are obsessed with the tramp stamp! (refer to former blog: Tramp Stamps and Diagrams) We can't help it. Plus, we are even more amused at the fact that one of our male friends has a tramp stamp. We now make it a point to insert a joke at M's expense as often as possible! Its so much fun when it is just so easy! A lady in a bedazzled pair of jeans walked into the bar last night...

The BOBBED Quote

D: I bet there's a tramp stamp under that sparkly!

C: M doesn't wear sparkly.

MRSA

2007-11-08T10:26:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

Lately there has been a freak out over Staph infections and MRSA. People fail to realize that they could get a Staph infection at any time, it isn't just a new phenomenon of late. Needless to say, our friend, M, is ALWAYS sick. Legitimately sick. His current ailment is a very bad cold. He looks and sounds awful. He came around all of us yesterday with his snottiness and hacking. The BOBBIN' is a response to his "being."

The BOBBED Quote

C: I'll take your clap and your crabs, but don't give me your MRSA!

Newsworthy?

2007-11-07T09:37:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

The Charleston Gazette ran an article today about two camo-wearing women busting into an establishment and robbing $27,000 worth of poker money from a game near Hurricane. The article goes into description about exactly what happened. However, to enjoy the BOBBIN' you need to pay particular attention to this following paragraph in the article:

"According to the criminal complaint, it happened in a building behind Bogey's, a bar near Hurricane. A building that houses storage units is located at the rear of the bar."

The BOBBED Quote

J: Liquor in the front and poker in the rear!

The 40 or The 60 Watt Bulb?

2007-11-05T16:21:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

There are a group of folks in the Charleston area that like to participate in a day of adventure, Sunday Funday, at least 2-3 times a month. These adventures normally consist of drinking, eating, a fun activity, or bad reality TV. This Sunday Funday a challenge was thrown forth...NTN Trivia at our favorite wing joint, The Cold Spot. (On a side note: You gotta love a wing/beer joint that is connected to a convenience store/former gas station!) It was an intense battle filled with beer, shots, wings, fried 'shrooms, an obscene amount of Blue Cheese, and an assload of shit talkin'.

The BOBBED Quote

C: I hate this game! I suck! I'm definitely NOT the BRIGHTEST light bulb in the bunch.

B: Awwww. You are a bright light bulb, just not THE brightest.

C: Gee, thanks, B.

Tramp Stamps and Diagrams

2007-11-05T14:22:00.001-05:00

The Set Up

Boys will be boys, and when two of them get completely and totally frustrated with one another, it can become quite ugly, especially, if one is yielding a sharp kitchen knife and the other a lower back tatoo. Needless to say, apparently, a sandwich wasn't made the exact way one of the boys wanted it to be. There were words.

The BOBBED Quote

M: This isn't what I ordered, T. It isn't what I ordered!!!!!!!

T: The next time you want ME to make YOU something that isn't on the menu, you can walk your TRAMPED STAMPED ass over here and draw me a fuckin' diagram.

Jive Talkin'

2007-11-05T11:48:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

According to the onlineslangdictionary.com:

Whore:

1. a prostitute
2. a promiscuous person, usually female
3. a greeting, usually between males

Example: What up, whore!

4. a friendly insult, usually between males

Example: Leave me alone, whore!

JOHN:

one who pays for sexual relations

The BLOGGED Quote

D: Taste of Asia is on its way to me now.
B: Whore!
D: No, 'John.' I'm the one paying here!

Reactions

2007-11-05T10:35:00.000-05:00

The SET UP

This came through via email. It was too funny not to share it with you all.

THE BOBBED Email

KCJW: At first when I read the Bobbed website, I thought that you either (a) had developed some unhealthy addiction towards posting on this blog or (b) had a much more active week than I did. Then I realized that it actually is your website and am no longer concerned, but amused. Also, I am struck by a longing for winter afternoons at The Cold Spot. I have to go now - Beverly (dog) just vomited on the carpet. Cheers.

Party Responses

2007-11-05T10:20:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

Once or twice a year, I throw a kicking party. The last one was for my birthday in March. The party went on until roughly 8am. There is always a very eclectic group of participants. Dancing, music, kegs, beer bongs, ice luge, shots, conversation, wine, snack-ables, occasionally guacamole on the wall, moved furniture, hook ups, elicit affairs, gossip, the works; it all happens at a Chez party! I have found that like a bar, a house party is a great place to do some BOBBIN. However, the BOBBIN has already begun!

The BOBBED Quotes

D: I will at some point that night, vomit on someone.

K: I will be there. I just hope you have the taxi number programmed into the phone.

J: I can't think of a better way to celebrate: Ben Stiller, Abbie Hoffman, Billy Idol, & Winston Churchill's birthday, Barbados Independence Day, Lucy the Australopithicus Discovery Day, Pink Floyd "The Wall"'s 28th birthday, and the end of hurricane season.

JBK: I'll be there with my tightest rhymes, yo.

J: We'll be there, flame-retarding blankets in tow.

KCJW: I'll wear something flame retardant, even if J isn't that adventurous.

D: I am currently out of clever. When clever has been re-stocked in my warehouse, I will be sure to notify you.

TTHBTK: I'm Ron Burgundy?

Hand Holding and Baby Fists

2007-11-05T10:01:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

My friend group is currently having a debate about hand holding, specifically hand holding in public. It's a debate that has no winner, only hand holders. I am of the belief that hand holding is acceptable public behavior. Others find is disturbing. A few find it joke worthy. The following BOBBIN took place at, of course, Happy Hour!

The BOBBED Quote

Person #1: I don't hold hands.

Person #2: That wasn't my hand; it was a little baby fist.

B"S"H-isms

2007-11-05T09:39:00.000-05:00

The Set Up

If it can go wrong, it will go wrong for our frind B"S"H. Sometimes his misadventures are self induced, other times it is just a bad run with karma. Either way, his catastrophies often make for the best BOBBINS. This particular BOBBIN is dedicate to B"S"H!

The BOBBED Quote

I've probably had some women as hairy as you, Dan. Not as big, but...

It's no fun motorboatin' too big a tit. You just run out of breath.

I'm pretty. I'm not funny. You can't be both.

I ran out of gas somewhere between Nitro and Crosslanes this morning. I had on my flip flops.

I've drank more in the last 24 hours than most normal people drink in a year. Oh, and you all aren't most normal people.

I'm gonna dance like a bastard!

I'm A Motor Boatin' Son of a Bitch!

2007-11-02T16:29:00.000-04:00

The Set Up

My friend STK has a certain nickname because they are quite sweet! She rarely shows them off though; something we are working on. This Halloween she showed up as the Lovely Cleopatra and had a bit of va-va-voom. I had been drinking a wee bit and felt the need to introduce her to everyone by way of "motor boatin'."

The BOBBED Quote

This is my friend B. Go a head and motor boat her; I did!

Givin' Chin

2007-11-02T15:38:00.000-04:00

The Setting

My friend, T, has a certain affection for egg rolls, a specific Chinese restaurant, and individuals' lower jaws. Some call it odd; those closest to her call it her charm.

The BOBBED Quote

I bet she gives great CHIN(s)!

Cock-a-doodle-dooooooooo!

2007-11-01T14:30:00.000-04:00

The Set Up

This particular BOBBIN' is just strange. I have yet to understand it completely. There isn't much to it; all you really need to know is this:

- two rednecks

- one topic of conversation

I will let the BOBBIN' speak for itself.

The BOBBED Quote

She's ten kinds of sexy. She's sexy as boots on a rooster!

"She Sure Is A Mean Pinball!"

2007-10-31T16:46:00.000-04:00

The Set Up

A sister to one of us is by no means a huge drinker. However, when lil sis decides it is time to tie one on, she does exactly that. She recently celebrated a birthday at one her favorite watering holes. She met her goal and got bombed! Did I mention she did this before the hour of 10PM?!

The BOBBED Quote

Lil Sis: I thiiiink I need, want, no need to puke.

[Heads straight to bathroom.]

[Concerned friend follows behind her.]

[Lil sis bounces off every single wall in the hallway to the bathroom.]

Lil Sis: [Laughing hysterically while obtaining a rocker's stance sings:] I SURE AM A MEAN PINBALL!!!! Did you hear me? I SURE AM A MEAN PINBALL!

C: [laughing hysterically asks:] Want me to hold your hair?

Lil Sis: Nope! I need you to hold my beer. I'm gonna need that to gargle with when this is over!

JBK's First Single

2007-10-31T16:21:00.000-04:00

The Set Up

I have a friend who has aspirations to become one of the most powerful Caucasian Rappers. JBK/STK can frequently be spotted, or perhaps heard is the right word, spittin' her mad game throughout the town; normally she also has a ML beer in one hand while she is faux spinnin' in the other. The following BOBBED moment was her first attempt at public spittin'. She has improved since the early days, but this was a landmark moment for her. Please, if you are sensitive to the language of the culture, discontinue reading the blog.

The BOBBED Quote

You Ain't No Swiffer, You A Dust Rag

Bitch, you ain't no swiffer, you a dust rag.

That's why when you at work, I f*$@ him in yo sleepin' bag.

That's why I'm the cleanest in the land.

You so dirty you got yo rag in yo hand.

So clean up after a bitch like me.

I want you to scrub my toilet on your knees.

That's right, uh uh, you ain't no swiffer, you a dust rag!!!!

Jesus Sure Does Look Purty In Gym Shoes!

2007-10-31T15:34:00.001-04:00

The Set Up

One of my friends played basketball for two fairly well known Universities, was drafted into the NBA for a short while, played for a European professional team, now has a career outside of the sport, but still plays on many league teams in town. He's getting up there in athletic years, but still plays a mean game of ball. The thing is...he knows it and tells people about it A LOT, both on and off the court. In short, he is a shit talker. This particular BOBBIN' took place while WC (the player) was shooting a half court ball (which he made) and one of our friendly spectators in the bleachers watched in awe.

The BOBBED Quote

WC: (Mid shot) Damn, that's purty, and I'm purty doin' it!!!!

Fan: Man, WC is like Jesus in gym shoes!!!!!

"I like the way you talk. You from Narnia?"

2007-10-31T13:11:00.000-04:00

The Set Up

I have friends that are slightly obsessed with the series "Lil Bush." Quite frankly there might be only one other event that is more fun that BOBBIN', and that's poking fun at the Commander In Chief. Anyway, I digress. Once again the following conversation takes place on the way out of a bar.

The BOBBED Quote

The World's Drunkest Man: Hey. Hey, lady. I need a ride. Where ya goin'?

T: Narnia.

The World's Drunkest Man: Is that anywhere near Clendenin?

T: [shakes head and walks away]

From The Bob Book: Priceless Quotes From The Bar and Beyond

2007-10-31T11:43:00.000-04:00

The Set Up

"The World's Drunkest Man" can take on many forms. Sometimes he is a 21 year old novice drinker. Sometimes a tenured veteran. Often, however, he is simply a D-R-U-N-K as a career choice. One night, many years ago, "The World's Drunkest Man" took the form of a rustic, rode hard and hung up wet, southern homosexual. Need I say more?

The Bobbed Quote

World's Most Annoying Bartender: Sir, you are reallly drunk. I'm going to have to cut you off.

World's Drunkest Man: Whhhhhaaat?

World's Most Annoying Bartender: Sir, I'm cutting you off. I can't understand you.

World's Drunkest Man: (with a flip of the wrist) Oh Honey, that's because I'm from the South.

G-Chat Status Messages!!!

2007-10-31T10:57:00.000-04:00

The Set Up:

I love technology. I love instant messaging. I love the humor and sarcasm of the status message. Some of the individuals that I have listed on my G-Chat are flippin' brilliant smart. Here are a few:

The BOBBED status messages:

KCJW: found that handing out candy is more fun when one is drinking.

JW: handed out candy to 15 year olds AND their babies last night.

TH: pities da fool!

TH: is smackin' bitchez.

From The Bob Book: Priceless Quotes From The Bar and Beyond

2007-10-31T10:37:00.001-04:00

The Set Up

This is one of the quotes from several years ago that can be found in the orginal BOB BOOK. The individual who was BOBBED, well we will refer to him as R. R drank. R drank a lot and often. R drank so much that he often had a odd sense of paranoia. (Please note that the views of those being bobbed are not the views of the those doing the bobbin'.)

The Quote:

R: I have HAMS.

G: What?

R: You know, Hate A Midget Syndrome. The only thing they are good for is making ham sammiches and digging ditches.

October 28, 2007

2007-10-31T10:00:00.000-04:00

The Set Up

Two of my very good male friends, my brothas from otha muthas, recently went head to head in an Iron Chef-South Charleston Style Competition. I was honored to be among four of the judges. It was a rockin' good time, with great food, fantastic flare, lots of laughs, and a shit ton of F-bombs! For a full description of the festivities, check out Mori-Dano's blog. His Kitchen Geeking blog is quite entertaining.

Bobbed Quote

C: (Some off color, obnoxious remark/comparison about the Iron Chefs and a Monkey Habitat. You really had to see the layout of the kitchen and the "observation deck" to understand that comment. Plus, egging them on about how they couldn't yell at me because I held the power of a SCORE CARD!)

P: Why dontcha just shut the fuck up!

C: (insert evil laugh) muaaahaaaaaaaa

H: Pauly, you really HAVE to QUIT telling the judges to shut the fuck up!